Thursday, December 30, 2010

Freud, Deception and the Power of How

 Freud was an immaculate figure and a psychological acumen. Well-known for all his psychoanalytic wizardry, theories and ideas of extraordinary and some discerning in other ways (unconscious theories in particular). However, one area that Freud had yet to unravel was 'Self- Deception.'

 I began to realize the powerful agendas which Freud and many others including myself seem to walk pass across on our daily live.

A Paradox which dominates the the philosophical treatment of bad faith or in some cases -deception about ourselves and others around us which seem as irrelevant to our understandings....

But what if seeing through Self Deception takes organizations, individuals, families and what's more society to break what has become the 'norm'- such as " I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine".

Seeing Through Self-Deception

As I mentioned, although Freud was unable to unravel what became known as the "self-deception paradox," some scholars whom have been wrestling the same issue for over a century soon broke the fundamentals to Deception.

Self-deception is one of the most difficult aspects of being unreal to ourselves and others. This is partly because self-deception always served an often desperate, personal need where we only convince ourselves that a falsehood is true because we desire it to be true for some reason close to our hearts.

This it is mainly because self-deception creates its own invisibility.

But the problem with this is that friends, managers all and always will have their own agendas. Even a 'best friend', for example, may lie to us for reasons of her own -Besides this, everyone is playing the same addictive game and groups of friends or colleagues are a powerful source of false beliefs.

As humans we haven fallen into a few traps that may act as defense mechanisms.  It might be thought that the clue to avoiding self-deception lies in the fact that objectively confirmed self-beliefs are generally more reliable than self-beliefs which rely solely on subjective justifications. For instance, we tend to know what we are doing is wrong yet we blindly and deceivingly provide excuses that gets us out of a situation.

The Leadership and Self-Deception Book recalls a monumental truth on its preface page;  An infant is stuck beneath a furniture and although how hard she tries to cry or bang her head to the sides, she will not be able to be released. Infact what is worse was she started to push more only to find herself trapped for good. You see the problem was that the infant had crawled underneath the furniture in the first place and got stuck. She may even blame the furniture for having being stuck. But looking closer the problem was the infant but she couldn't have seen it. Being the problem, any solution the infant decides to try will hence not work.

In a simple term The Choice that determines Influence just doesn't stop there, as there is always something which goes beyond the blaming, behind the defense mechanisms or the blinding behaviors... it us the Paradox of Deception which reveals a deeper more congruent truth to problem solving on many levels-- expanding the Power of HOW rather than the WHAT!

Leadership and Self-Deception comes in an Audio-version.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Two Different Faces

 TWO-FACED: An Insight to People-Problems

Have we noticed how some people may be timid as mouses when talking to customers/clients but fierce as a tiger with their employees?

People have a tendency to divert to two or multiple different tasks, tones, personalities and attitudes. As a very distinct part of human behavior, being two-faced is a description we often use when  someone acts in such a manner that is deceitful or 'Fake'.

We can generally identify a 'Fake' behavior, such as to whether that person really means what he or she really has to say. it could simply taking noticing how an apology may not be sincere. As such even you and me fail in many ways too!  For some this will be failing to see people like as with the same needs and wants. 

Dealing with an unpleasant situations can be both common and painful. Among the hundreds of problems faced at work, this is one of the most persistent and harmful causes of job-related stress.When you don't get along with your colleague, manager or client your days in the office feelings of hatred, and what's worse, a 'BURDEN' builds a communication 'shut-down' preventing any effort to reconcile.

Arbinger Concepts discusses the Choice- The Power of How... A choice that each and everyone of us has... The power of spreading the key to: relationships, communication, conflict resolution, individual growth, effective leadership, team-building, motivation, cooperation, accountability, trust, living values in the spirit they were intended, authenticity, focusing on results, alignment, vision creation and buy-in, decision-making and more.

There is nothing in most management literature that touches on this matter. I wonder why this is not a wider topic of discussion. Two face or not, in the path towards a peace at work and heart we must 'honor our sense that hits us in our guts.

People-problems spread wide and far and tackling issues as huge as this one considers a Deeper focus. Arbinger suggests a series of levels which help organizations understand the root to people problems and stem out deeper solutions to these problems affecting growth in leadership.

Get in Touch with Arbinger

Friday, December 10, 2010

Quiz For the Deeper Freedom

 Inspiration wears many faces. I was taking a train ride back home, the usual crowd in the train began to disperse towards the last few stops. (Mine is the last stop) I was suddenly in conversation with a lady, about her mid 30's who presented me with an unusual but most life-changing Quiz....
Ready to take the Quiz:
1.     Name the 5 wealthiest people in the world.
    Name the last 2 winners of the Miss Universe  contest.
3.     Name 3 people who have won the Nobel Prize.
4.     Name the last  5 Oscar Award winners for best actor  or actress.
5.    Name the 5 World Cup winners.
(Were you able to name at least 3/5 of the questions and correctly? Be Truthful)
Lesson learnt:
Although these people are the best in their fields;
   Their applause dies.
   Awards tarnish.
   Achievements are forgotten.
   Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners
By the way I couldn't get past the first Question itself- all I knew was Donald Trump.. then I was blank for the rest of the other Questions.
Now ready for your next Quiz:
1. List 5 Teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name 5 friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3.Name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4.Think of 5 people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5.Think of 5 people you enjoy spending time with. 
 Lesson learnt: 
The people who make a difference in your life are not
the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards
They are the ones whom share the deeper meaning with you!
 My biggest lesson on the train was the understanding of the purpose of this deeper meaning. 
2 things that immediately came to thought about the Quiz idea was about being responsive with the Freedom. How amazing was that moment to just feel uplifted, free just to know that you are someone important in his or her life? Here is what the Quiz really did for me. 
 In terms to Freedom what we need to know is that when we start to understand is what we want or what we choose is considered Freedom. However in reality, there is really no Freedom. We want to break rules but we can't, Cossie also discusses; 'The down side of rules.' Also just as we thought we should know about these important celebrities, sports people or the famous, we actually don't.