Thursday, June 30, 2011

Reframing Mindsets

The first of every year marks a traditional milestone for re-framing as people make new years resolutions based upon parts of themselves or aspects of their lives that they wish to improve. These resolutions may include losing weight, finding a better way to improve grades, continuing education, improving free throw shooting and so on.

The new year resolutions are often met with initial excitement that inspires behavior towards the goals and the beginning of change. However as time persist the reason for change loses priority or the motivation for the change becomes weak or perhaps the change did not appear to be occurring fast enough and subsequently the person gave up. Re-framing may be a continuous process that includes factors such as commitment, strategy, action, contemplation, and maintenance. 

Just as you and I experience struggles and challenges in meeting their potential people do as well. Maslow’s theory of self actualization proposes that people are internally motivated to realize their potential with continued growth. Therefore, it is likely that people have a vision of what type of person they would like to be and what kind of life they wish to live. When there is a disparity between where people aspire to be and where they a n inner drive should inspire a need for change to engage in behavior that would yield desired results.

The Yo-Yo effect,Stress, Confusion, Misguidance, Poor relations are all too familiar troubling factors that schools and teachers face in light of their student's behaviors.
Behavior with Mindset

Many of the students are involved in behaviors that will eventually lead to trouble with the police, families, employers, or educational facilities; or will cause them harm. When they begin to live a lifestyle that does not agree with cultural norms (i.e., drug use, violence, and missing school) they are normally in the precontemplation phase; "minimizing the need for change" and "far from ready to change". When they begin to face discipline issues because of their actions they enter the contemplation phase, becoming more aware of their behavior.

During the preparation phase the young adults may begin to understand they have a more serious problem in their life than they were initially willing to admit to and become interested in ways to change their life. 
The action stage would be where the intensive confusions in lives occur, when they are taking observable action to change their life. 

Maintenance is the primary stage where teachers and counselors are seen to intervene and assist students with preventing relapse. However, the outcome hoped for by Arbinger is not termination of negative behaviors but evaluating the negative -root of the problem that is causing the behavior in the first place. However, many students will recycle through the first five stages during their enrollment without ever being successful and this should be something that is expected. 

When the student arrive at the behavior level- they can be held in hands and thoughts to moving into making the responsive choices they can make at this stage. While in school, their evolution through the cycle has an impact on the community. Like guides, the teacher need to understand where a student is in their lives so they can work with them to make improvements in their behavior. 

Creating an uplifting vision or strategy

An individual may not realize there is a need for change or reframing. This is usually the case when people are used to doing things one way, there can be a lack of understanding and accepting that change is needed. The stage of denial as Linney, B. J. (1999) describes it, is more relevant to change in the behavior, but the relation of denial and personal change is very relative to how the personal change may affect future changes from being implemented within the heart.  One may say that this brings to the attention that change is “threatening both time-honored traditions and prevailing cultural values and practices.

On the contrary, I have observed that one of the best avenues of reframing mindset is in uplifting specific awareness.... such a target that creates visions that a person can imagine and aspire towards such crossing the tape of the cross-country marathon. The vision promotes strategic thinking of how to accomplish the feat such as a workout plan and schedule, hiring a trainer, and or eliminating fried foods from diet. For example, students who are in the contemplation phase who are showing increased signs of manipulation or in Arbinger language we say- sinking beneath - there is dire need to assess the students readiness to change and give the support and guidelines to frame.


How might aspects of your personality or your various skills and abilities have played a part in the success or difficulty of the change?

Thursday, June 23, 2011


Spoiler alert! If you want to see "The Adjustment Bureau" with Matt Damon, do not read further !!!!!

Last night I rented "The Adjustment Bureau" with Matt Damon. Great movie by the way (5 stars).

In it, he plays an up and coming politician who has deviated from the "plan" which he was supposed to be on. This so called "plan" was created by the "Chairman" who, we are led to believe, is non other than God herself. In any event, "The Bureau" is a band of people who work for the "Chairman" and are entrusted with keeping people "on plan." For example, if the plan calls for us to marry Tony, then the Bureau ensures that we don't miss the bus where we are supposed to meet Tony - our future life partner.

The reason they manipulate our lives is because when we have been given the opportunity to write our own plans, we have screwed up (e.g. WWI, WWII).

Why do we screw up? Because of our failing in honoring our senses, that's why! 

We are, the movie depicts, as impulsive animals by nature. Accordingly, we are incapable of harnessing our passions and as a result of our impulsiveness and hubris, make many, many mistakes.

The Bureau, afraid that one day we will screw up so badly that even they could not undo the damage we may one day cause (i.e. ending life as we know it), have decided to take away our free will and instead, only given us the semblance of it.

As I was watching the movie I felt the movie was trying to validate the point to standing by to what we know as making things go Right for others and could anticipate the notion  “Fail to honor the choice and it fails to honor you.” Corresponding with this identification of the true source of power in any organization, successful politicking or hurt within families can be based on the ability to be untangled from complications when honoring ones' choices by addressing them.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A Note to Pain

Pain hurts especially when I'm trapped in my Box.

Pain breaks us ( family, friends and relationships) into two. Pain kills us a little everyday and there’s nothing we can do. Pain shapes us, transforms us into people we thought we’d never be or sometimes people we always wanted to be.

Pain seeps into our lives suddenly, when we least expect it. Pain tricks us into thinking that we can’t take it anymore or that our skin isn’t thick enough to endure it.

Pain cuts through us like a butcher’s knife and we let it. We feed our pain. We listen to sad songs, hold on to memories, watch depressing movies and run towards pain knowing that this is how it’ll all end; tears, sleepless nights, and scars we bury deep. Death, a lost love, distance, abandonment, and a lot more bring us to our knees praying to have the strength to get up again.

After every blow we take, we promise ourselves we’d never give in to the pain again, but as the days go by and as we meet more beautiful people, experience life further, and choose to become who we are today, we risk getting hurt. We risk being vulnerable, we risk inflicting pain on ourselves but then again we talk ourselves into it like we can handle the consequences. Like we’re superman, pain is nothing to us. Like regrets don’t exist and like scars are teachers in disguise.

Like a little kid learning to ride a bike, falling down and getting up again till they get it right, pain pushes us forward; pain makes us appreciate peace of mind.

Pain makes us appreciate wholeness of the heart, pain makes us appreciate our lives and it makes us appreciate ourselves for getting out of every painful experience whole again. Even when we’re missing a piece, we tell ourselves that this was meant to be, that pain was destined to happen, that pain taught us a lesson we had to learn the hard way!

Dear Pain, Hurt and Grieve,

Thank you for making me the beautiful person that I am. Thank you for teaching me everything I know. Thank you for showing me that my Red Flags are alerting my in-the-box momements. Thank you for turning my weaknesses into strengths, my precious moments into memories, my heart into a beating drum, my eyes into a well, and my body into a castle that holds a wealth of stories on every corner.

Right now, all I can do is kiss you goodbye, because what I'm sure of is that from out the box, you are my strength to making a choice I need to make.

Broken down, but getting up again!